All Things Yummy

Every now and then, I come across something completely wonderful and amazing that makes me feel energized and empowered.  Not empowered in a metaphorical sense, but in more literal sense where my head becomes so full of creative ideas, melodies, code, or prose that I have to get it out of me into a physical medium.  It could be some random melody or a news article - everything from Franz Liszt to a red rose lying next to a statue has gotten me into this state.  Well, I guess I can add another thing to that every growing list.

I’ve just finished reading A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami.  There’s not much to say about the plot since that’s not really the point of the book.  In very simple and straight-forward sentences, Murakami forges disjointed and digressive plot involving tiny little details and thoughts that are easily dismissed in a normal day-to-day life.  Reading through the pages felt like looking at a crowded picture where only an odd item to the side is in focus, with everything else veiled by pleasant, surreal, and enveloping fuzziness.  The line between fantasy and reality is just one of things that’s blurred out.

The biggest thing about the book, though, is that it resulted in endless stream of scenes, dialogues, and characters in my brain.  For all I know, they may languish in my head until they die a slow, painful retreat into the oblivion….  but I still appreciate having them.  Who knows, maybe I’ll actually sit down with couple of sharpened pencils and actually dump them out into the physical world.

Interestingly enough, I also went to watch Pan’s Labyrinth with couple of friends - though (I presume by necessity) the movie follows much more linear plot than the book, the two seems to share a bond in the way it merges reality with fantasy by surrounding with beautiful but surreal images and attention to little details.  It was wonderful and beautiful movie, though it did make me a bit squirmish…  Your mileage may vary, but it’s definitely not for little kids.  Time to hit the bed, maybe I’ll go dream about the sheepman hanging out with faun or something silly like that.

Reading has always been a disposable pleasure for me, something to fill in the times when I had nothing else to do (or when I didn’t feel like doing anything, I suppose). I read mainly for the sake of reading, and although I’m fairly opinionated on the things that I read, I’m more of the type who’ll read the random books anyway and complain afterwards.

I’ve always been fairly well read - when I was a kid, my parents went to used book stores and bought books by the pound for me - but it was just something to do, something to pass the time with, just yet another place to gain knowledge. There were only select few books that left me inspired, which is perhaps the reason why I tend to borrow books instead of buying them. This in turn forces me to read them at a certain pace, which then makes them even more disposable in my mind.

Yesterday, though, it occurred to me that I’m looking for that vivid, inspired imagery that I can touch and taste in the wrong place. After wandering the bookstore for a while, I think I’ve found what I’m looking for.

Well, here’s my happy item of the day. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do - I actually laughed out loud at the end.

may i feel said he
(i’ll squeal said she
just once said he)
it’s fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let’s go said he
not too far said she
what’s too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you’re willing said he
(but you’re killing said she

but it’s life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don’t stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you’re divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

… The book I’m reading is called “The Making of the Atomic Bomb”, by Richard Rhodes. The book isn’t really about the bomb itself, though, it’s more about the scientists and everyone else who worked on the bomb and its effect in history. The hopes and fears that drove people to work on such weapon, scientist’s realizations about the terrible power of their invention, the hopes of US government in avoiding invasion of Japan, horrors of people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It marries two of my loves - history and science - so I’ve been really enjoying it. It’s also interesting to read about some of the theories and processes behind making of atomic bomb while the current event in North Korea mirrors some of what happened 60 years ago. I’m kinda sad that there’s only about 50 pages left, though.

Anyway, I’ve always been the type of person to find something to focus on and just go for it, ignoring everything else including my feelings in the process… I guess sort of like find something to be passionate about and just completely throw myself in and kinda lose myself in the process. I’ve always been intensely private and (mostly, though I have my wild moments) reserved, so I’ve never really felt in… “touch”… with my emotions. Think of it as being good at just not thinking about it and moving on forward… Though for all I know, maybe all the other guys are like this because this isn’t kind of talk you have with other guys.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling a bit off my element at the moment - up until now, I’ve always had clear and focused goal always in front of me with clear deadlines. Graduation, Solar Car, Races, Projects, Tours, Exams. It figures that real life isn’t not so cut and dry, and I need to find my passion.

Though it happens fairly rarely, there are times when I find myself kinda floating along without any clear or definite focus. Whenever that happens, I get this mild anxiety that kinda gnaws at me until I do find something. Interestingly enough, though, my ideal idea of a vacation is being on an isolated island somewhere with absolutely no plans or deadlines and with someone who thinks and feels the same way as I do. However, if I was ever in a situation like that, I’m sure I’d make up something to focus on. Maybe climbing trees, or learning to play a guitar, or building a gigantic sand castle, or something equally mundane. I think that’s the real reason why I enjoy baking so much, it requires complete and total focus and concentration while you’re juggling everything in the air.

Perhaps you’d call this active suppression of my feelings or something, but to tell you the truth, I’ve never really thought about it nor have I really felt strongly about the way I feel about things…

So, I’ve never had that dark side - maybe it’s because I don’t dwell on things too much, maybe because I’m a guy, maybe because I forget things too easily, or maybe because I’m mostly happy (or at least content) with any little small things that I find in my everyday life.  Maybe I’m blessed that way.  But on the flip side, I’ve also had very few times of feeling intense emotions.  Perhaps it’s better to be this way, or maybe I’m missing out on life, I don’t really know…  Maybe it’s partly because I know that no matter what happens, I trust that God has a reason and purpose for it.

Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. Time and distance blur the edges; then suddenly the beloved has arrived, and it’s noon with its merciless light, and every spot and pore and wrinkle and bristle stands clear.

I’m currently reading through The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood - it reminded me of the joys of reading well crafted words and see them become real tangible objects within my imagination. This gave me an insight as to why I find books like Harry Potter and the Clancy novels so unfulfilling - simply, they are not novels. They are merely extended short stories.

Philip K. Dick defines the difference as following

a short story may deal with murder; a novel deals with the murderer, and his actions stem from a psyche which, if the writer knows his craft, he has previously presented.

These days, most of the book deals with the murder, the battle, the romance. We have 1000 page books that consist of Jack saw this, Jack thought this, Jack did this, which isn’t what a novel is suppose to be. There is no subtlety involved - either things are completely omitted, or hammered in with a very large, very blunt sledgehammer.

And it’s just not books that are being written that way. The entire culture and mass media is moving that direction as well. We have movies that have nothing but epic battle scenes. We have elections in which subtleties of good, thought-out policies are swept aside for broad stereotypical strokes that paint everything in bright shades of red and blue, covering over any issue of importance.

I don’t know, maybe I’m the one who’s crazy.

I read through Norah Vincent’s Self-Made Man couple of days ago. Since then, I’ve had the time to sort some of these things out and observe for myself the things that she points out in the book. First of all, a short synopsis: Over a period of 18 months, Norah Vincent, a female journalist, becomes Ned, a man. As Ned, she looks at the world from man’s perspective, infiltrating various places where women would not have access to and experiencing things that women would not typically experience.

Through out the book, she finds that being a man isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, that it’s not a bastion of empowerment that it’s portrayed to be. Being a man comes with their own set of headaches and problems and that some feminists’ approach of bringing woman over man may not be the best approach since we’re all so closely linked and related. She makes some very astute observations that as a man, I had unconsciously followed without even realizing it. After reading through her observations and comments, I was able to consciously notice the type of bond that happens in a male relationship and the possible problems that rises with issues of intimacy and communication between men.

For me, the most interesting parts in the book dealt with Ned’s attempts at dating other women. As a lesbian, Norah was able to separate issues stemming from gender from the one stemming from sexuality. She notes that many women’s expectations of man are flawed and conflicting, and that their previous relationships that may have been a result of a specific person ends up being attributed to the entire male gender, where all males are stereotyped into a certain negative image. This means that each new man not only has to prove himself, but also have to take the burden of all the other relationships that may have come before him. I’m sure the reverse is true and I guess that’s what Hank Williams meant when he sang Cold Cold Heart.

Another love before my time
Made your heart sad an’ blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn’t do…

Interestingly, I found the book to be sometimes overtly sexual, but that might just be from my lack of real world experience… If Sex In the City is any indication, maybe I shouldn’t be too surprised. At the very least, this book is an entertaining and thought provoking look at just how different the two different genders are and just how similar and linked the two different genders are.

Happy New Year Everyone!

People call it the Chinese New Year, but it’s also the Korean New Year, or Seol-Nal… though I guess the best name to call it would be the Lunar New Year, not to slight all the other cultures in Asia that celebrate the New Year with the lunar calendar system. If I was in Korea, I would be considered to be a 24 year old starting from today - that’s right, twenty-four… (And all of you in my class, that’s twenty-five for you old fogies).

That’s a scary thought, to think that I’m just 10 weeks or so away from entering the Real Life ™. After all this training and school, everything seems so anticlimatic. It seems like everyone just graduates, finds a nice stable job, and settles into this depressing routine of work, sleep, and TV. All that optimism from the youth - that idealistic view about how the world can be changed for the better - surprisingly quickly dissipiates when faced with the hard realities of life. Especially without the spiritual anchor, I wonder what people are feeling as they go through their daily drudgery… But then again, after reading things like how content the couch potatoes are, it makes me wonder whether it’s me that’s different from the majority mob that rules this planet. What was it that Richard Bach said in his Jonathan Livingston Seagull?

“Most gulls don’t bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight–how to get from shore to food and back again… For most gulls it is not flying that matters, but eating. For this gull, though, it was not eating that mattered, but flight.”

Reminiscing about Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, which I had originally read when I was back in Korea - I must’ve been 9, 10 at the time - makes me think about all the books I had read years and years ago. The significance and poignancy of all those great literature is finally resonating with me as I’m learning more and more about the real life that’s out there. When I had originally read it, I had no idea why they were held in such reverance… and now I’m starting to realize and - even more importantly - understand it all. Maybe I am growing up… Which means I’m also losing that childhood innocence.

Anyway, here’s my belated New Year’s Resolution, which is aptly on another New Years Day. I would like to be a seagull for whom the flying matters more than the food. I would like to be that seagull who is flying up above everything, enjoying the searing wind, the bright sun, the overhead view of the world, even if it’s a little lonely up there. There is more to life than getting from shore to food and back again.

PS. All this reminiscing makes me want to play Yut-Nori. It’s a wonderful, fun, and very easy game that Koreans play on the New Years Day. I’m pretty sure I still have a set of sticks and the board somewhere in my house. Anyone interested?

Author: Tom Clancy
Started: February 19, 2003
Finished: February 23, 2003

Well, I have many things to say about this book, but I think this quote from the book sums it up quite nicely - “Any opinionated asshole could make money…”

Author: Hermann Hesse
Started: January 31, 2003
Finished: February 18, 2003

I really don’t know what to say. It’s one of the most… odd… piece I’ve read so far, up there in the ranks of Kafka’s works. Nothing much really happens plot wise - it can probably be summarized as Harry Haller or: How I Learned to Stop Being Suicidal and Love the World. However, in telling this simple plot, Hesse seems to have done enough opium/cocaine/whatever to kill a small horse. Joking aside, I must tell you that it took me more than 2 weeks to get through the first 70 pages or so, and 3 hours to finish the book after that (last page is 218). Hesse uses some of the longest sentences that I’ve seen in my life (legal documents included!) and some sections, especially around the Treatise On the Steppenwolf, requires careful mulling and remulling to understand what Hesse’s trying to get through.

Harry Haller is a lonely man approaching 50s. However, what sets him apart is the fight between the Human and the Steppenwolf inside him. The two disparate beasts battle within him, driving him toward deep depression. A product of bourgeois life, Harry himself appreciates the comforts and the culture that bourgeois life provides. However, the wolf is always behind him, growling and mocking him at every step. Also, he is finding that the world is increasingly spinning out of control and out of his understanding. Driven to brink of suicide, he meets a woman named Hermine who shows Harry the pleasures of earthly life, carnal desires, and of disdainful Jazz music and dances. Through Hermine and Pablo’s help, he finally realizes that one must learn to look at life not only through critical and serious outlook, but also with a twinkle in the eye and peals of laughter.

One thing that hit me about this, was that the story is timeless. By timeless, I mean literally that. Hesse, although this was written during tumultuous time in Germany, keeps it very removed from the politics of the time (just as Harry the Steppenwolf is removed). It could’ve very easily been the 60s, 70s, or right now that Harry is living through. The focus in the human nature makes this a truly timeless story that will endure as long as we humans are around.

Author: Milans Kundera
Started: January 14, 2003
Finished: January 23, 2003

Another interesting narrative. Throughout the book, Kundera puts the story aside to express his views on the world (including even things like, well, shit) and how he came to the story and the characters. He throws around his insights into love and life throughout the story of Tereza and Tomas (The copy I read had spelled Tomas as “Thomas” in one of the pages! ). As in Love in the Time of Cholera, one of the recurring idea is the concept of different types of love. Tereza is devoted to Tomas, while Tomas feels that physical love is not the same as romantic love. While Tereza’s one extra-marital affair is depicted almost as a violation and shakes her, Tomas has many lovers. Through these differences, the idea of heaviness/lightness is discussed. Being burdened by heaviness - responsibility, morality, etc - is not necessarily a bad thing, and throughout the book, we how the characters change as their burden changes and they make their decisions.

The main storyline - Tomas and Tereza’s life in Czechoslovakia and abroad around (and after) the Prague Spring - is the cornerstone on which many different ideas, insights, and analysis are thrown in. Kundera seems to be able to make the character come alive and make the readers feel completely empathetic with them, even though he describes (in the voice of the author) how these characters sprang into life when he wrote the book. One of Tomas’ lovers, Sabina, also plays a significant role in a sometimes intersecting secondary storyline along with her own lover Franz and even with Tereza.

Author: Gabriel García Márquez
Started: January 3, 2003
Finished: January 7, 2003

Gabriel Garcia Marquez has an interesting way of telling a story. He will paint a picture, a very compelling and breathtaking scene, full of intrigue and shrouded in mystery. Then he will backtrack in time - weeks, months, or even fifty-one years, nine months, and four days - and retrace the steps back to that starting point. However, since the world and the characters are so detailed and intricate, knowing the outcome makes the story that much more interesting.

The three main characters, Fermina Daza, Juvenal Urbino, and Florentino Ariza have an intertwined life of love set around the turn of the century in a Caribbean city. Over the course of more than half a decade, Fermina Daza and Juvenal Urbino has (mostly) stable and (sometimes) happy marriage. Through their union, Gabriel Garcia Marquez portrays both the ups and downs of the married life as well as changes in the feelings between people as they grow old together. Florentino Ariza, Fermina Daza’s first love, waits for over fifty years for Dr. Juvenal Urbino’s death to ask her for hand for the second time. Through him, other notions of love is explored, one of which is that one may love many other simultaneously with different ‘rooms’ for each.